by B. R. GOWANI
In the above picture, the United States [Great] President Donald Trump, in a state of shock at seeing the assassin pulling out his gun, is seen uttering his last words, “Et tu, brother?” Within moments, he was fatally shot. PHOTO/Politico
This is TNN (Trump News Network) special bulletin live from the capital Washington D. C.:
According to reliable eastern sources, just 30 minutes ago, our Dear, Respected, Great, Beloved, Brilliant Leader, the President of the United States, Donald Trump, became a victim of an assassin’s bullets – 16 bullets were pumped in our Dear President’s brain. Within minutes, the Beloved Leader was rushed to the hospital.
It’s a universal fact that our Great Leader was endowed with a very tiny brain at birth. Keeping that fact in mind, and hoping that the minuteness of the brain might have helped our Beloved President to escape damage of any significant nature caused by the bullets to his brain, the doctors performed several complicated surgeries with great expectation to save our Billionaire President Trump.
But as they say, God loves good people and so wants them near Him, and in addition, the assassin had also worked as a sharp shooter, sadly, both these factors worked against the doctors’ efforts and silenced permanently such a lively and a likable Beloved President.
At present, the question on everybody’s mind is: “Who killed our Great President?” Everyone you talk to, at least, few of those people who are still out on the streets (because the rest of the people have gotten scared and deposited them in their homes) say that our Beloved President had no enemies and so it is extremely difficult to pinpoint the culprit/s.
The statement from Wayne LaPierre, CEO and Executive Vice President of the NRA (National Rifle Association), states that neither the gun nor the bullets were to be blamed for the unfortunate death of our Brilliant President. The only person to be held liable is the assassin who misused the gun which is meant for self protection. It also said that the Great President would have said the same thing because he believed in the Second Amendment.
With the news of our Wise President’s death, his followers are drowned in a river of grief. They believed each and every word of our Dear President Trump because he spoke with such sincerity that his followers found no room to doubt. Our Great President himself had no time to check his statements; he was a simple soul, made in the mold of M. K. Gandhi, and like him, many of our Beloved President’s truths were never constant – they constantly evolved.
There were some truths though about which our Brilliant President was constant, such as his claim of seeing Muslims celebrating on 9/11 in Jersey City, New Jersey.
Our Great President declared his “love for the Mexican people with whom, according to him, his relationship was “great.” Out of love, sometime he would also call them “criminals, drug dealers, rapists, etc.”
Our Great President Trump tried to befriend Serge Kovaleski, a handicap reporter of the New York Times, by acting like him, but people took it the wrong way.
Our Beloved President neither felt bad nor ever complained to God about the small size of his brain; instead what he did was to preserve that tiny entity by utilizing it as less as possible. Our Dear President raised his self esteem by being appreciative of his other body parts: Here’s our Unique President:
“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”
Our Beloved President’s work ethics were great and he hated any disturbance during the work, even a break. In 2011, when the opposition’s lawyer Elizabeth Beck wanted to utilize the prearranged break for breast-pumping milk for her infant child, our would be Great President walked out screaming at Beck:
“You’re disgusting, you’re disgusting.”
Our Wise Leader was not afraid of the news media. Here’s his boldness:
“You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
Our Unique Leader displayed his love for women by comparing them with other creatures of God, such as “pigs” and dogs.”
He equally loved black people. But it was misunderstood when he said:
“Laziness is a trait in blacks.”
The tributes to our Great President from world leaders and the international news media have started pouring in.
Some of the tributes:
“Great Promiser.”
“Here was a [Dear] Leader who never arrested his true feelings.”
“This was one [Wise] President who never oppressed his mouth or words.”
…
At this point, I’ll have to break for an important announcement from the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) and the Metropolitan Police of the District of Columbia (MPDC). In just few moments, they are going to announce to the reporters and the people gathered here as to who the assassin was. Here they are:
“… It was not a Mexican, not a Muslim, not a handicap person, not a woman, not a black person, but it is a white Christian war veteran who had lately turned into an evangelist….
“The last words of our Dear, Respected, Great, Beloved, Brilliant Leader, Donald Trump ‘et tu, brother?’ were addressed to the killer.”
So now we know who eliminated our Great President. It is not at all difficult to declare that the assassin is a mentally deranged person. How do we know that? It’s from the assassin’s statement he gave to the press:
“Trump was a f—— bullshitter. He promised us so many things but didn’t keep a single one of that promise. Instead of finding jobs for millions of people, he got millions of deals for himself. …”
Now we all know that is not true; it’s a blatant lie spread by the enemies of Our Beloved Leader.
An announcement just came in:
The nation will mourn our Dear Leader’s death with a 40 day mourning. All the private employees of our Billionaire President working at his Trump Tower, Trump Taj Mahal casino, etc. will remain closed for 40 days. The employees are advised not to report to work for 40 days.
The end of an announcement.
Now, with heavy heart, we end our special bulletin.
B. R. Gowani can be reached at brgowani@hotmail.com