by Mukul Dube
Letter # 1
Members of RSS (Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh) PHOTO/Scroll
The photo accompanying the article shows men wearing a uniform, holding weapons and marching in lines, like soldiers the world over. That some are clearly out of step can perhaps be explained by the fact that military make believe and antics have no place in a “cultural organisation” or “social movement”, which is what the RSS calls itself.
But all is not make believe, and the discipline in the organisation is known to be uncompromisingly military. Soldiers must follow orders at all times and may not speak out of turn. It is entirely possible that the RSS top brass, unwilling directly to challenge a former pracharak, even one disqualified by marriage in theory, is directing its present soldiers to send letters to it which are critical of Prime Minister Modi.
Letter # 2
While it is expected that members of the ruling party, including ministers, will speak of “national security” at the drop of a hat, because that is a shibboleth which they must dance before, an agency like the CBI must pass the test of credibility if it does the same. Its claim that Teesta Setalvad is a “threat to national security” because (it says) she /may/ have violated the Foreign Contribution Regulation Act is plainly incredible.
Letter # 3
Several weeks ago I wrote to the Commissioner of Police, B.S. Bassi, to say that complexions cannot be described as “shallow”. I find that the newspaper advertisements placed by the Delhi Police about missing or dead people now use the correct word, “sallow”. I suppose it’s pointless to expect a cop to thank someone who helped him to stop making an ass of himself every day.
Letter # 4
There is a radio commercial in which the husband says that he is much impressed with the prime minister’s message about the subsidy on cooking gas. He says he remembers his mother slaving away over a smoky fire, and now that he is well off he proposes to give the benefit of cooking gas to thousands of other women.
The commercial closes with the wife saying, in a voice tinged with awe, “Ap par mujhe garva hai” [I’m proud of you] (which I first heard as “Ap se mujhe garbha hai” [I’m pregnant from you], pleasing but strange in the context). I am relieved that important decisions are still shown as being taken by men and the commercial will not hurt any damn sentiments.
Letter # 5
When Ram Madhav, an RSS man now “National General Secretary” of the BJP, insults the vice president of the republic, the government tenders an apology. Why the hell does it apologise for the boorishness of someone who has no position in government? And why does it say nothing when other worthies of the BJP and RSS and VHP spout poison and obscenities?
Letter # 6
I propose that we display our newly aroused nationalistic spirit through an annual parade of our stock-pile of Chinese yoga mats — just as we display our expensive weaponry (Make in India?) on Republic Day.
Mukul Dube is a writer, editor and photographer. His new book is India Since 2002. You can buy the book here. He can be reached at dube.mukul@gmail.com