by VAISHALI SEHGAL
Gone are the days when vampires and witches haunted children’s nightmares. Thanks to pop culture, these once-terrifying figures have become part of our everyday vernacular. You can now call someone a “witch” or a “vampire” in casual conversation without raising any eyebrows. But let’s shift our focus from mythical creatures to a topic that can make millennials break out in a cold sweat: marriage. You might question what insights I can offer about marriage, given that I’m not married myself. It’s a valid point. Yet, having an outsider’s perspective can be like looking down on a maze from above—it often provides a clearer view than being tangled up inside it. Consider what you believe is permanent in your life. Time, for instance, is ever-slipping away, and change remains the only constant. This isn’t a moral lecture but an examination of human nature. We all have an intrinsic desire to cling to and preserve what we love, driven by insecurities and the quest for permanence.
This brings us to marriage. If two people who love each other can grow together, give each other space, and discuss their problems without the formal institution of marriage, why is it considered a must-have? Some argue that marriage provides emotional stability and support. But does it really? If marriage were the key to stability, why do so many marriages end in divorce or infidelity? Meanwhile, birth rates are dropping, indicating a shift in priorities and societal values. Loneliness is also on the rise, with many young people feeling isolated. Statistics show that millennials are marrying later, with men typically tying the knot around age 30 and women at about 28. This delay reflects a broader trend of prioritizing personal and professional development before settling down. Interestingly, despite the overall high divorce rate, millennials have lower divorce rates than previous generations, likely due to their more cautious approach to marriage.
You might argue that marital issues arise from unresolved conflicts or that starting a family brings stability. But why the relentless urge to settle down? Historically, marriage was about continuing family lineage. Does a relationship that confines and limits you truly serve your best interests? Many married individuals lament missing “me time,” justifying it as a necessary compromise. If you can build a fulfilling life for yourself, why accept constraints? I’m not against marriage per se; I challenge the rigid expectations and labels often attached to it. Marriage should be a thoughtful decision made when both partners are genuinely ready and have spent adequate time understanding each other instead of meeting merely societal expectations.
Like any investment, a relationship requires significant time and effort. If it doesn’t work out, people compromise over the top on their principles to make it fit. Marriage should be approached with care, especially for a generation that values personal growth and independence. As societal norms evolve, so should our understanding of commitment. A commitment should enhance your life, not restrict it. Let’s also consider that marriage can be more stressful for women than for men. Many women today recognize this because they’ve witnessed the struggles of previous generations.
Women often leave behind their comfort zones and emotional spaces, adapting to new households and expectations. Adrienne Rich’s poem “Aunt Jennifer’s Tigers” beautifully illustrates this:
Aunt Jennifer’s tigers prance across a screen, Bright topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not fear the men beneath the tree; They pace in sleek chivalric certainty.
Aunt Jennifer’s finger fluttering through her wool Find even the ivory needle hard to pull.
The massive weight of Uncle’s wedding band Sits heavily upon Aunt Jennifer’s hand.
When Aunt is dead, her terrified hands will lie Still ringed with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the panel that she made Will go on prancing, proud and unafraid.
The poem contrasts the vibrant, fearless tigers Aunt Jennifer creates with her own constrained life, burdened by the weight of her wedding ring. The tigers live on in her artwork, embodying the freedom she longs for but doesn’t experience in her reality. Interestingly, you rarely find such expressions from men about marriage. When men do discuss it, their narratives often revolve around duty, work, or longing for something else.
This disparity highlights how differently marriage impacts individuals. Growing up in South Asian families, where collective culture predominates, the idea of having personal space and making decisions at one’s own pace is still seen as a privilege. The process of individualism has yet to fully integrate with traditional family structures, which still hold a very Westernized perspective. The struggle for personal freedom and self-expression is ongoing in many cultures.
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