by JEFF SIDDIQUI
I attended a fundraising event for Chaya, an organization that is dedicated to helping victims of domestic violence become successful survivors. Chaya also helps families come to a better understanding of how to continue with a successful model that does not permit physical, or emotional abuse in a family. I also has programs that help educate children to grow up with a feeling of respect for each other.
As a board member of Chaya, I am committed to do all I can, to help our various communities not just understand domestic violence, because we all understand what domestic violence is, to one degree or another. No, my job is to help everyone understand that the demon of Domestic Violence lurks everywhere; it is as common among the rich as it is among the poor, as common among the “educated” as among the illiterate…as common among people of one faith, as it is among people of another and South Asian communities are no exception. Domestic Violence is condemned in all societies, but tolerated in all, because nobody wants to be the one to point to finger as close to home as our friends or relatives. It is like having a friend with bad breath, but seeing the nobody wants to be the one to tell him he has a breath that could kill an elephant…except the consequences of our silence in the face of DV can be catastrophic. The cruel tentacles of domestic violence reach out everywhere, they are just as present in the Muslim household where the man kills his wife, as they are in the “Western” household where the man is likely to kill his wife’s parents (local King County Deputy Sheriff recently) or, his wife AND his children. Often, counseling the man who is usually the perpetrator is not a good idea unless the man actually wants the counseling otherwise, he will go home to beat his wife some more because she “told on him”. Intervention is a most delicate balance which is all-too elusive and quite often, the only way is to help the woman get away (ONLY IF she wants) in safety. It was during the Chaya event a few days ago, that a VERY brave young woman gave a speech (below) in which she described her own ordeal with domestic violence. I was stunned that this woman should have suffered as much as she did and awed by the fact that she was brave enough to talk about it in a huge group of people who were mostly drawn from South Asian Communities…Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs and Christians. Her speech touched me deeply. I obtained her permission to present it to a larger cross-section of South Asians in hope that it will awaken more of us to be alert to domestic abuse and to move to see if the victim is ready to be helped (DON’T try to help” people who do not want your help!). I made a few changes to her speech in order to remove her identity and to remove any connection with a specific South Asian group, because I did not want to rest of us to then feel as if we can dismiss her story because “it does not happen among ‘OUR’ people”. This young woman could be from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka or Afghanistan; she could be the wife of a Microsoft millionaire or a taxi-driver, but the story would still remain the same. Please take time to read it and pass it along to your friends, we all must help raise the awareness of domestic violence, regardless of our race, religion or nationality.
(Submitted by Robin Khundkar)