by KELLY ZEN-YIE TSAI
for Sarah Gambito who said somethin’ like:
“in my 20’s, i was captivated by genius, but now, in my 30’s, i realize how rare authentic kindness is.”
i’ve got to agree with sarah.
in my 20’s, i thought genius
was the hot shit.
muthafucka’s who taught themselves
how to play 20 different instruments —
a combination lawyer / ER doctor /
and clinical social worker —
a novelist who writes for 10 hours a day,
goes to sleep for 2, gets up and writes for another 10 —
now, genius bores me.
the tedium of the workaholic,
the blistering erections of human achievement,
all while the genius’ life crumbles
around him or her.
the phone goes silent.
birthdays and holidays go missed.
vacations never get taken.
genius doesn’t believe
in such frivolous things.
i know, because i have been
a sufferer of genius.
i’m not saying that i am a genius,
but i’ve almost died in its pursuit.
sacrificed so many nights not sleeping,
exploded an atomic mushroom cloud
of emotional distance around me,
found my own ingenuity and energy
running over me foot by foot,
genius doesn’t have time
for social skills or feelings
or farmville on facebook
for bubble tea dates on rainy afternoons
or guitar hero marathons or knowing
what one’s loved one is crying about
when the crying eventually does come.
genius is so often absent —
swinging around in its own genius world,
gorilla knuckled with broad teeth and a thick skull,
blowing through the jungle,
not caring who he or she crushes.
to live like this is not extraordinary —
when placed next to the steady hand
that on monday, tuesday, wednesday,
thursday, friday, saturday, sunday stays here
no flinching, no quaking, no fists.
not extraordinary, when compared
to the open hand that stays here
through powdery blizzards, balmy springs,
scorching droughts.
the hand that stays here —
and isn’t worried about whatever “hand” things
it could be doing right now?
or what are all the other hands are up to?
or if it really is appreciated and recognized
by the entire world in its true value as a hand?
what is extraordinary is the hand
that stays here and extends,
fingers and wrist rooted in the whole person.
one who is right here, right in front of me,
not racing ahead to seek out the next solution,
the next innovation, the next trend.
the open hand that remains here, unafraid to be kind,
in the midst of so much genius.
Kelly Tsai’s website is Yellow Gurl