How did a nice country like America end up being governed by a big bunch of assholes?


(from left to right) Senate Majority Leader Mitchell McConnell, President Donald Trump, House Speaker Paul Ryan

Democracy is supposed to be OK. It’s supposed to reflect the will of the people.

So how come our government has just passed a big tax reform bill that most of us don’t like?

How come we’ve got a president whose approval rating is totally meh?

A president who is not only the biggest asshole of all presidents ever, but also the biggest asshole among all current world leaders, the biggest asshole among all current business leaders, the biggest asshole among all rich New Yorkers, the biggest asshole among all assholes from Queens, the biggest asshole sitting on any gold toilet, and maybe the biggest asshole among all contemporary members of the human race extant, with the possible exception of Ted Cruz?

How come our government is filled with assholes of immense assholicity — the president, his staff (how about John Kelly?), his cabinet (how about Jeff Sessions?), Congress (how about Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan?), the Supreme Court (how about Clarence Thomas?), etcetera into an infinite totality of utter assholicity?

Aren’t we as a nation supposed to be better than these assholes?

Maybe not.


If our government truly represents us, there can be only one conclusion.

We are a nation of assholes.

Or, if we are not a nation of assholes, we are a nation of suckers, which may be worse.

How come?

Well, we’re ignorant and under-educated. Only a third of us grownups have any college. Many of us don’t finish high school, and our high schools are not that great anyway. We’re basically a nation of dumb fucks. Witness the ratings of Fox News, a dumbfuck media outfit that sets new standards for galactic assholicity (how about Tucker Carlson?).

Number two, we’re overly religious. 70% of us believe that an actual devil exists, complete with scaly horns and a forked tail. All our evangelicals believe that the world will end in The Rapture, when they will ascend naked to heaven as their clothes fall from their bodies, while the vast majority of humanity will catch fire and burn up in immense howling pain and excruciating torment.

That’s what they wish for us non-evangelicals. Not all that compassionate — or even quite Christian, eh? (How about Pat Robinson?)

Number three, we’re racist.

Number four, we’re sexist (look at the King Kong dung Everest of excremental crap that Hillary had to negotiate).

Number five, many of us are southerners, which include perhaps the worst Americans — Texans (how about Ted Cruz?) — those famed bigots of big hats and no cattle.

Number six, we’re not compassionate. We are a very cruel nation. We like killing foreigners: the last time, as many as half a million innocent Iraqi women and kids for no good reason (how about Dick Cheney?). We treat animals incredibly cruelly on factory farms because we like to eat them.

And number seven, perhaps the worst thing of all, we’re terribly classist. We are great believers in inequality. We have the biggest income inequality of all developed nations. We have the most selfish, greedy, entitled, privileged elite that ever lived (how about Robert Rubin?).

At Harvard and Yale, they turn out kids who believe they’re better than everyone else. Not only better than all other Americans, but better than all other humans. Our elite are bigger snobs than British royalty.


Number eight, one of our two political parties has turned into a deranged cult, who just the other day was all for electing a known pedophile from Alabama to the Senate just because he’d vote along with them. (In jail, guys like Roy Moore are immediately whacked by their fellow-prisoners because they can’t stand being around pedophiles, which makes the GOP Senators less morally sensitive than our goddam jailbirds.)

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