by VINAY LAL
Amedeo Modigliani, Woman Pinching Her Breast and Grabbing Her P___Y, otherwise known as “Venus”, 1917
*The DSM and Trump penile disorder (TPD)
Annals of the President-Elect Trump Regime I
(Being a Cornucopia of Facts, Opinions, Commentary, Satire, Scholarly Writing, Poetry, and Vignettes, But Mainly Facts and no Ressentiment)
The American Psychiatric Association announced today the release of its new edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, popularly known in the profession in the US and worldwide as the DSM. The DSM’s new edition, an event that transpires only once every decade, has long been awaited. Among this year’s new findings, the DSM VI’s editors stated, nothing is remotely as significant as the addition of a new disorder which has been termed by experts the “Trump Penile Disorder”, aka as “Trump Penis Disorder” or, in short, TPD. The editors hastened to clarify that TPD is entirely distinct from Erectile Dysfunction, which though it may have psychosomatic elements is primarily a physical phenomenon, as well as from Peyronie’s Disease, an affliction which hits about 5% of all men after fifty but can scarcely touch such stout men of stamina as the President-elect. In Peyronie’s Disease, the experts explained to a large crowd of reporters, the penis becomes a curve ball and is barely able to reach first base, whereas Mr. Trump was known only to hit home runs.
The DSM’s editors were drawn to the conclusion that the Trump Penile Disorder (TPD) had to be taken seriously on account of two considerations. First, they drew attention to the testimony offered by the world-acclaimed Indian ayurvedic doctor and healer to numerous Hollywood stars, Dr. Deepak Chopra. Appearing on a show with Fox New Radio host Alan Colmes on Tuesday, June 7, the soft-spoken Chopra said that, watching the presumptive Republican nominee over a period of time, he regrettably had come to the conclusion that Mr. Trump was a “racist” and “bigot” who “represents the emotional retardation of a three-year old.” Dr. Chopra, who is ordinarily reticent in delivering such judgments, was adamant in his gentle way that he was “100% sure” in reaching the opinion that Mr. Trump was a belligerent and prejudiced “racist” who had brought out the worst in everyone else. Yet it was not merely Mr. Trump’s belligerence and severely emotionally retarded state that distinguished him from others, since many others display similar characteristics; rather, as Dr. Chopra would explain in a subsequent appearance on the Conan O’Brien show on October 24, 2016, Mr. Trump’s “consciousness is stuck in his genitals.” Mr. Trump, Dr. Chopra stated, “thinks with his penis”. With the best or most compassionate of human beings, one expects that they might think with the heart, leaving the thinking with the brain to those who have dedicated their lives to the illumination of reason; but Mr. Trump’s singularity, Dr. Chopra was clearly inclined to think, resided in the fact that he thought with his penis. As with others who are mentally challenged, Dr. Chopra appeared to be suggesting, Mr. Trump, notwithstanding the severe retardation which made him speak, blabber, and froth at the mouth like a three-year old, had an overgrown body and in particular he let his penis do all the work for him, which included the thinking apt for a toddler.
Lal Salaam for more
*I Haven’t Done Anything to Women That They Haven’t Done to Themselves, says Trump
Annals of the President-Elect Trump Regime I
(Being a Cornucopia of Facts, Opinions, Commentary, Satire, Scholarly Writing, Poetry, and Vignettes, But Mainly Facts and no Ressentiment)
Trump Tower, Trump Avenue, Manhattan, 18 November 2016, 7:00 PM EST
The President-elect, Donald J. Trump, today appeared before a large pool of reporters for his first press conference since his victory speech in the wee hours of the morning of November 9th. Mr. Trump seemed to be in a radiant mood and there was much expectation that he would address looming questions about the rockiness of the transition and his choices for top cabinet positions. The President-elect knows that he is in the eye of the storm, but while acknowledging that much of the world was uneasy both about some of the choices that he had made thus far and about others who were clearly in the running for some of the highest offices of the land, Mr. Trump said that he wished to turn his attention to a more pressing matter.
Throughout the blistering campaign, Mr. Trump noted, he had been the subject of many unfair attacks. Much had been said about him being a racist, sexist, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant, and so on. Total lies, all lies, lies, lies coming out of—wherever. Nothing had hurt him as much, Mr. Trump complained, as being accused of being a sexual assaultist. Yes, he had said things on the video about kissing any woman who struck his fancy, and grabbing women by the pussy. He had explained, however, that this was just locker-room talk, men being men. The problem with the elites was they didn’t spend much in locker rooms and places where real men gather. The fact that he had been elected to the most powerful office in the world was as convincing a demonstration as any that women, who had given him more votes than they had to Mrs. Clinton, didn’t care much for what he had said and recognized that men were entitled to be men. The women who had voted for him didn’t want men to be pussies and they recognized a man when they saw one.
When the Independent Press (IP) reporter, Vincent Salaam Lal, asked Mr. Trump whether he had anything really new to add to this somewhat worn-out subject, the President-elect got excited and replied that he had called this press conference to furnish a fuller account of himself. Once he had done so, he did not doubt that everyone would recognize him for the gem that he is. He had many times said openly that he found women beautiful, women were just such beautiful creatures, they’re mothers of the human race and of my children, now what would we do without women. Hadn’t he said, and yet no one took him seriously, except the huge number of women who cast their lot with him, that no one, and I mean no one, loves women as much as I do. He had described them as “phenomenal” on more than one occasion. Jeb Bush, in one of the debates, had said that he wasn’t sure that the government could cough up billions of dollars for women’s health. Now wasn’t that deplorable? And what had he, Mr. Trump, said in response: “When you’re negative on women’s health, you can forget about it. I’m the exact opposite. I cherish women. I want to help women. I’m going to be able to do things for women that no other candidate would be able to do, and it’s very important to me.” Those who claimed that he had called women “fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals”—well, they were just being “nasty”. Lies, all lies, complete lies, Mr. Trump added with some vehemence.
Lal Salaam for more