by B. R. GOWANI
“Presently the side of the prodigious phallus burst open, and in the niche-like aperture the lord of the lingam stood revealed, Shiva, the force supreme of the universe.
Zinmmer, Heinrich, Myths and symbols in Indian art and civilization, editor Joseph Campbell, p.129.
A very early Shiva-lingam from Gudimallam, a small village in Andhra Pradesh, India, c.100 BCE, made of polished sandstone.
Shivaling
Lingam, a symbol of “male creative energy” is associated with Lord Shiva, one of the gods of the Hindu trinity. The other two are Brahma and Vishnu. In Hindu temples, devoted to Shiva, the lingam is an object of worship and is often accompanied by yoni, the female creative energy or Shakti. The lingam worship goes back to the Indus Valley Civilization.
As far as creative energy is concerned, the human males have done quite an impressive job by peopling this planet with 7 billion souls. However, in other areas of energy they’re headed towards shortages and more wars.
Lingam in the news
The history of human specie is replete with stories where lingam has played a significant role in famous and powerful people’s downfall. Whether prince, prophet, or pauper, all have at one or another time, listened to their lingams and invited trouble for themselves. The present time is also witnessing many such incidents. The news media people also play a big role in repeating these stories to titillate the readers and watchers. They themselves also get titillated. Now they have a story about a photo of a man in underwear on Representative Anthony D. Weiner‘s twitter account. They are constantly talking about that photo as if there is nothing else to report.
I’m just going to write a little about four lingams. But before that, little bit about lingam’s personality.
Lingam’s personality
linging is similar to thinking
lingam has a brain too
else it wouldn’t do things on its own
he is very independent
full of self esteem
extremely stubborn
workaholic
day or night
noon or midnight
(like George Bush)
always in a warring mood
highly perceptive
great visionary
can look ahead in future
even a false alarm
would make him stand up
you can argue
but you can’t win
you tell him to listen
he’ll say “I’m independent”
you shout back: “You’re part of the body”
he’ll remind you that he’s “outside the body”
you make one last attempt: “You’re attached to the body”
he retorts back: “Your body is attached to me”
and is very clever
when in trouble
he’ll meekly admit
that he’s part of the body
and was not his fault
Osamaling
There are rumors that Osama bin Laden’s fifth wife, Amal al-Sadah (a Yemeni whom he married in 2000), may have betrayed Osama leading to his murder at the hands of the US Navy Seals.
A jihadi on a jihad shouldn’t allow his jihadi jr. to be on a jihad too. Juniors are difficult to control and are also not detachable. In this situation, abstinence is the only other alternative.
The damage has been done, however.
For many Muslims, Osama was a hero. To avoid any future loss of such Muslim heroes, it would be appropriate to put up Osamalings (undoubedtly, without yonis) in various localities populated by jihadis. Every now and then they should stop by these Osamalings and take a vow to stay away from earthly houris. They can, of course, go back to earthly houris once they have renounced jihadism or their goal/s is/are achieved.
IMFling
Last month, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the IMF chief, was arrested for sexually assaulting a hotel maid. The acronym IMF stands for International Monetary Fund. Though in reality, the way IMF has screwed up so many countries, the acronym should stand for International Mother ——-. Better still, the letter M should be changed to N, that is, Nations.
Silvioling
Silvio Berlusconi is a
cruel
racist
idiotic
rotten
vulgar
macho
corrupt
insensitive
mannerless
sex-addicted
unsophisticated
chauvinist pig
90% of TV broadcasting is under his control
he’s not a Third World dictator
but is a Prime Minister of a First World country, Italy
for him, sex is a “conquest”
and he conquers girls/women
at “bunga bunga” parties
or by presenting Ruby as Hosni Mubarak’s relative
or gets prostitutes through madam
Arnoldling
Arnold Schwarzenegger, a former California Governor, a macho-sexist-womanizer, recently separated from his wife, after admitting of having fathered a child with the house worker. In 1997, he planted two seeds and nine months later he was father of two children from two different ladies.
He’ll be paying a huge sum, most probably, out of court settlement.
One good thing he did was that he took care of the other lady and their son.
But his lingam crisis has begun and let’s wait and see how it ends.
What can be done
The United Nations should establish the Lingam International Fund (ILF) and should place it under the World Health Organization (WHO). The central goal of ILF should be to find out ways-surgical, therapeutical, or other-to make lingam less sensitive to its surroundings and thus making it more controllable.
The victims of the lingam crisis should be approached for the initial funds for doing the research. The IMF should be asked to provide 10% of the money. Schwarzenegger can afford a good amount of money. Berlusconi is a billionaire (more than 7 billion) and a billion dollars from him would be a good thing. Saudi Arabia can also be asked to donate money; it is in Saudi interest. If the lingams of the jihadis are under control, then they’ll be able to concentrate more on jihad and spreading the Saudi Islam.
B. R. Gowani can be reached at brgowani@hotmail.com