Due to an enlarged prostrate inhibiting the libido; I consulted a Hakim about a decade back. His prescribed ‘Kushtas and Majoon’ worked wonders for a while, but as the body got used to their potency, they became less effective. I drifted towards ‘Viagra’ on the advice of a friendly user of the same. Gradually even that stopped doing the ‘trick’. I eventually visited an 80-year old Sanyasi Baba [ascetic] ‘who masqueraded as a Sex Specialist. After examining the effected part with a stethoscope and unable to detect a pulse there, he explained, “Sir, my herbal medicine can heal the wounded, not raise the dead”. Cheeky Hindu Jogi suggested that he could give me some sandal wood to perform the last rites on it. Sarcastic bastard.
Left with no other option I went to see a Plastic Surgeon , seeking rehabilitative surgery, by having a bone implant in the implement to ‘perk’ it up from its present, hanging in shame, half past six to the 12 O’clock ‘rearing to go ‘ stud position. He agreed that a surgical procedure is possible to give me a ‘Perma Erectus’, like some guys can sport a ‘perma grin’, but it will have social repercussions. I will need a specially designed ‘Jock Strap’ to keep it under restraint in mixed company, because men will get envious and women curious: not healthy for either. And ‘peeing’ in public wash rooms will require new aiming skills, due to its high angle of elevation.
He then asked if I would like my ‘stump’ to be reformatted in circumcised mode or otherwise. That question truly stumped me. Please do not get me wrong on this. I had wondered about the efficacy of male circumcision, during my College days in UK, where male nudity was the norm in changing rooms and showers. I had been subject to indecent exposure by my mates flaunting their members in various shapes, sizes, and formats and they always condemned my mutilated version as a deviation from its natural state. On the other hand they seem to be having loads of pleasure without the benefit of circumcision.
I know we simply adapted the custom from the Jews, who took to it as Sunnat e Ibrahimi [Abrahamic custom or covenant]. But over the years I have come to believe that circumcision is too serious a matter to be ‘ sliced ‘ off lightly. Now that I have a chance to regain my long lost un-circumcised ‘tool’, I would really; really like to know if it makes any difference to the physical enjoyment of the sex act.
I did consult the town Barber (Local specialist in circumcision) [many barbers do circumcision too] about this vexing problem. His dry comment was, “Sir Ji, maza to utna hi aata hey, chahey ustra lagwao ya nahein”! (Sir, enjoyment is the same whether you allow a razor to touch it or not). He was in no position to comment having acquired his skill by self-circumcision a number of times.
Before I make an informed decision I would like to get inputs from my school mates. Or am I asking the wrong guys, since all Muslims have it performed on them when they are just babes. Perhaps a ‘Sargodhian’ who was lucky enough to have a ’before and after’ experience?? It is possible that someone had it sliced late in life? And may be there are people of other faiths who converted to Islam, and underwent the ritual late in life. Any views on such an important subject will be appreciated. (Mind you, this subject is more important than discussing the present political set up. In that it’s just our country getting screwed , whereas this issue pertains to screwing by the entire world population.)
I am not raising any moral or medical questions. I was circumcised immediately after birth so my ‘Muslamaniat’ [Muslimness] was established. If I now opt for a restructured ‘Ding a ling’ without the circumcision, it should pose no issues regarding my faith. I am counting on the benefit of ‘double jeopardy’ law, which states that a man’s male organ cannot be put in jeopardy twice in his life time. (Any lawyer may please correct me on my understanding of the law.)
Although there is a danger that if I am ever accosted by Taliban, and required to prove that I am not a RAW [Indian intelligence agency] or Mossad [Israeli intelligence agency] agent, by undoing the fly, I will be HARD up explaining my uncircumcised/refurbished tool.
I know that girls are also circumcised in some African Muslim societies, but ‘opening’ that chapter will ‘widen’ the ‘area’ of discussion.
Some of you younger lot, insensitive to sufferings of your seniors, will not take this cry for help seriously but I would request all to take ‘suo moto’ notice of my appeal. It has been initiated as a public service discussion, because after my operation I hope to undertake some ‘pro bono’ work on ladies.”
PS. This was written some time ago. An update is that the bone implant operation was performed successfully, but the flow of ‘marrow’ from the bone has dried up.
*(Thanks to Omar Hoda; his clarification: “Read thru the tragic dilemma. Such humor can only come from Punjabi part of Pakistan! Some knowledge of Pakistani Islamic culture is necessary for full comprehension! No embarrassment intended!”)